Pitchfork's Top 50 Albums of 2006: The Drinking Game
Vs.
IT'S ON, MUTHAFUCKAS!
PRELIMINARY REQUIREMENTS:
You will need at least 1 liter of decent quality Kentucky bourbon (absolutely no lower than Jim Beam) or of cheap-ass tequila (absolutely no better than Jose Cuervo), 2 or more friends*, and, most importantly, an ability to stomach pretentious and oft snarky post-graduate prose.
*see Friends Bonus Round.
DRINKING REQUIREMENTS:
If one of these albums is not #1, crush the entire bottle and soil yourself...
Joanna Newsom - Ys (projected rank: 1)
TV on the Radio - Return to Cookie Mountain (2)
The Hold Steady - Boys & Girls in America (3)
(don't worry it won't happen)
Take 3 drinks for every one of these NOT in the Top 10...
Liars - Drum's Not Dead (4)
Clipse - Hell Hath No Fury (5)
Ghostface Killah - Fishscale (7)
Junior Boys - So This is Goodbye (8)
Scott Walker - The Drift (10)
Take 2 drinks for each of these that slip into the Top 10 OR are not in the Top 20...
The Knife - Silent Shout (6)
Danielson - Ships (9)
Grizzly Bear - Yellow House (11)
Mastodon - Blood Mountain (12)
Herbert - Scale (13)
Band of Horses - Everything All the Time (14)
Califone - Roots & Crowns (15)
Finally, take 1 drink for each of these not in the Top 50...
Sunset Rubdown - Shut Up I'm Dreaming
The Decemberists - The Crane Wife
Destroyer - Destroyer's Rubies
Lindstrom - It's a Feedelity Affair
Belle & Sebastian - The Life Pursuit
Pete Bjorn & John - Writer's Block
Tim Hecker - Harmony in Ultaviolet
Islands - Return to the Sea
Fujiya & Miyagi - Transparent Things
Yo La Tengo - I'm Not Afraid of You...
The Thermals - The Body, The Blood, The Machine
Man Man - Six Demon Bag
M. Ward - Post-War
The Pipettes - We are the Pipettes
Beirut - Gulag Orkestar
Subtle - For Hero: For Fool
Justin Timberlake - FutureSex/LoveSounds
I'm From Barcelona - Let Me Introduce My Friends
Beach House - Beach House
Tapes 'n Tapes - The Loon
Girl Talk - Night Ripper
T.I. - King
The Blow - Paper Television
Swan Lake - Beast Moans
Malajube - Trompe-L'oeil
Rock Plaza Central - Are We Not Horses
Lupe Fiasco - Food & Liqour
Guillemots - Through the Windowpane
Evangelicals - So Gone
Phoenix - It's Never Been Like That
Friends Bonus Round:
For every friend present matching the following descriptions, drink accordingly.
Cliched Pitchfork Readers - 1 drink, 3 drinks if this is you...
Any person with 3 or more of the following characteristics/clothing items:
*black plastic framed glasses
*ratty Chuck Taylors or classic Vans (if new, no dice)
*a clip-on key thingy attached to your pants
*jeans greater than or equal to 10 X's the cost of your shirt ("skinny" jeans, 1 bonus drink)
*any sort of ironic/intentionally shitty facial hair (mustache, 1 bonus drink)
*unnecessary bandana in back pocket
*absolutely HATES or LOVES Ryan Adams (no fence-riders or casual fans)
*black and white stripes or polka-dots on shirt
*smokes American Spirits or Parliment Lights
*ugly-ass ballet shoes
*anything that can be construed as a "military jacket"
*short-brimmed or rapper-type round, fitted hat (stickers still on, 1 bonus drink)
*"hates" Pitchfork, but checks the site every single day
Pitchfork Unawares/Newbies - 1 drink, 2 drinks if this is you...
Any person with 2 or more of these characteristics:
*has not heard 75% or more of the albums in the Top 50
*has no opinion on which state Sufjan should do next
*does not appropriately pronounce "SOOF-yan"
*does not know who Sufjan is
*actually has some semblance of a life
*Their list should be posted by the end of next week...drink up!
Pitchfork Media
posted by Matt @ 7:40 PM
11 Comments:
I wish someone would just go postal on the pitchfork HQ with rapid, automatic cock punching.
joanna newsom is definitely #1 sadly
Better not be Joanna Newsom. I'll stomach the other two, but not her! I agree with the last section, though. Especially, Beirut, The Decemberists, and Evangelicals. . .
BEST POST EVER!!!
You know looking at the list of artists, there was really nothing that floored me this year. I had a lot of expectations but nothing met to its fullest potential.
nailed it perfectly. what a constructive diss! i give you a 9.8 n i'll give you a featured live review.
You put it all very well. Nice one.
What I think is funny is that everyone ripping on Pitchfork has become as predictable as you all think Pitchfork supposedly has. Sure Pitchfork can be pretentious at times, but so can a lot of blogs. Great job predicting that The Knife would be #1 by the way...maybe they're not as predictable as you think.
post something new damnit!
dear anonymous poster number 7,
I don't think his post is a rip on pitchfork by any means. Clearly, anyone who is so well versed in pitch"o"fork facts with musically similar taste, would not be making fun of them, but merely guessing in jest at what a top 50 might be. He's not saying they are predictable, he's saying, I like good music, I'm fucking good at determining talent (aka, stellar musical choices)..let's take a stab...hence the drinking game subject and the "let's make fun of the listeners with black plastic rims comment"...
predictability had nothing to do with it darlin'. being bored...now that's more probable.
Matt, I love this!
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