Pitchfork's Top 50 Albums of 2006: The Drinking Game
IT'S ON, MUTHAFUCKAS!
You will need at least 1 liter of decent quality Kentucky bourbon (absolutely no lower than Jim Beam) or of cheap-ass tequila (absolutely no better than Jose Cuervo), 2 or more friends*, and, most importantly, an ability to stomach pretentious and oft snarky post-graduate prose.
*see Friends Bonus Round.
If one of these albums is not #1, crush the entire bottle and soil yourself...
Joanna Newsom - Ys (projected rank: 1)
TV on the Radio - Return to Cookie Mountain (2)
The Hold Steady - Boys & Girls in America (3)
(don't worry it won't happen)
Take 3 drinks for every one of these NOT in the Top 10...
Liars - Drum's Not Dead (4)
Clipse - Hell Hath No Fury (5)
Ghostface Killah - Fishscale (7)
Junior Boys - So This is Goodbye (8)
Scott Walker - The Drift (10)
Take 2 drinks for each of these that slip into the Top 10 OR are not in the Top 20...
The Knife - Silent Shout (6)
Danielson - Ships (9)
Grizzly Bear - Yellow House (11)
Mastodon - Blood Mountain (12)
Herbert - Scale (13)
Band of Horses - Everything All the Time (14)
Califone - Roots & Crowns (15)
Finally, take 1 drink for each of these not in the Top 50...
Sunset Rubdown - Shut Up I'm Dreaming
The Decemberists - The Crane Wife
Destroyer - Destroyer's Rubies
Lindstrom - It's a Feedelity Affair
Belle & Sebastian - The Life Pursuit
Pete Bjorn & John - Writer's Block
Tim Hecker - Harmony in Ultaviolet
Islands - Return to the Sea
Fujiya & Miyagi - Transparent Things
Yo La Tengo - I'm Not Afraid of You...
The Thermals - The Body, The Blood, The Machine
Man Man - Six Demon Bag
M. Ward - Post-War
The Pipettes - We are the Pipettes
Beirut - Gulag Orkestar
Subtle - For Hero: For Fool
Justin Timberlake - FutureSex/LoveSounds
I'm From Barcelona - Let Me Introduce My Friends
Beach House - Beach House
Tapes 'n Tapes - The Loon
Girl Talk - Night Ripper
T.I. - King
The Blow - Paper Television
Swan Lake - Beast Moans
Malajube - Trompe-L'oeil
Rock Plaza Central - Are We Not Horses
Lupe Fiasco - Food & Liqour
Guillemots - Through the Windowpane
Evangelicals - So Gone
Phoenix - It's Never Been Like That
Friends Bonus Round:
For every friend present matching the following descriptions, drink accordingly.
Cliched Pitchfork Readers - 1 drink, 3 drinks if this is you...
Any person with 3 or more of the following characteristics/clothing items:
*black plastic framed glasses
*ratty Chuck Taylors or classic Vans (if new, no dice)
*a clip-on key thingy attached to your pants
*jeans greater than or equal to 10 X's the cost of your shirt ("skinny" jeans, 1 bonus drink)
*any sort of ironic/intentionally shitty facial hair (mustache, 1 bonus drink)
*unnecessary bandana in back pocket
*absolutely HATES or LOVES Ryan Adams (no fence-riders or casual fans)
*black and white stripes or polka-dots on shirt
*smokes American Spirits or Parliment Lights
*ugly-ass ballet shoes
*anything that can be construed as a "military jacket"
*short-brimmed or rapper-type round, fitted hat (stickers still on, 1 bonus drink)
*"hates" Pitchfork, but checks the site every single day
Pitchfork Unawares/Newbies - 1 drink, 2 drinks if this is you...
Any person with 2 or more of these characteristics:
*has not heard 75% or more of the albums in the Top 50
*has no opinion on which state Sufjan should do next
*does not appropriately pronounce "SOOF-yan"
*does not know who Sufjan is
*actually has some semblance of a life
*Their list should be posted by the end of next week...drink up!